Wow Vows: Creating Your Personalised Wedding Vows

 

OK - So I've been getting a few emails about having personalised vows. Did I hear personalised vows in Naija? Oh yes! I've atteneded two weddings where the couples had their own vows and I think it's an awesome way to show friends and family just how deeply and passionately you both are. However, a healthy dose of writer’s block can hit you squarely on the head when trying to write your own vows. Here are a few tips to help you transforming your heavy, life-altering, feelings into a string of coherent words.
1. Before you get personal in church
Prior to when you start, make sure you get clearance from your church. You don't wanna spend days writing your own vows just for your church to reject your proposal. If you get clearance from your church, ensure you send your vows in time for reviews. Remember: Even the most accommodating celebrant will want to review your words in advance.

 

2. No spying?
Decide if you and your fiancé will write your plans together or seprately and if you will show them to each other before the ceremony. TheKnot.com says if you’re feeling shy, opt to write your vows together and even recite the exact same promises. If there’s more you wish to say, privately, say it in the cards you exchange on the day of your wedding or on your honeymoon.

 

3. Create an outline...
An outline will help both of you establish and stick to a structure for your personalised vows. For example, plan to first talk about how great your fiancé is, then about how great you are as a couple, then about what you’re vowing to each other.

 

4. Find your voice!
Guess that's why it's "personalised" :-). Decide what tone you'd like to go with: Humorous and touching? Poetic and mushy? It’s your call — the most important thing is that your vows ring true and sound like they’re from your heart. Don't get lost in the samples you've googled up *wink*.

 

5. What to write...
To help you think of sentiments to include, take turns answering a few questions.

• What were your first impressions?
• When did you realise you were in love?
• What do you have now that you didn’t have before you met? Focus on the heart and head, not material possessions.
• How has your world view changed?
• What do you miss most when you’re apart? This will probably be something mundane but powerful.
• Where do you see yourselves in 10 years? 20 years? 40 years? Go deeper than Happily married in a big house.
• Is there a line from a movie, song, or poem that says it all? It’s okay to borrow, as long as it’s not too much of a cliché (sorry, but “You complete me” is suffering from overuse). Instead modify something familiar to personalise.
• Do parts of the traditional vows resonate with you? Maybe you’re not so sure about the obey part, but can you really go wrong with love, cherish, and…?
• Can you think of a funny or touching experience that put your partner in a new light?
• Is there a harrowing experience that strengthened your bond? This one rides tandem with #9.
• What goals and values do you both have? Stating your common bond may just expose your inner Wordsworth.
• What promise can you make to codify your devotion?
• What metaphor (or simile) would capture your love? Think of something that describes or defines your love: Is it strong like a castle? Peaceful like a mountain stream?
• Why are you entering the bond of marriage? Think about why marrying your fiancé is so special.
• What will keep your marriage strong? Find the bedrock of your relationship. What makes your relationship tick? Is it your resilience? Your shared sense of humour?
• What do you expect out of married life?
• What words do you associate with love? Make a list of romantic terms so you can avoid overusing love — too many repetitions may dilute its power, e.g., my devotion / adoration / passion. Writing your own vows can be a way to include personal expressions of love into a your wedding day.

 

When you’re done, look through your answers for the phrases that best capture your intended message and incorporate them into the structure of your vows.

 

6. Do some pruning!
Now that you probably have your first draft, start cutting it down. It's very likely that you have written an epistle on how you feel at this stage. So decide a length and stick to it - anything longer than a minute or so, no matter how gorgeous your prose is may get the audience squirming.

 

You might prefer traditional-style wedding vows for a church ceremony or something a bit more modern for a civil ceremony, but above all, the most important element of your wedding vows should be sincerity. Write your vows from the heart, then speak and mean them from the heart on your big day.